


Even A Champion Needs A Hero

by xxwriter389xx



Series: Everyone Needs A Hero [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Death, Hurt, M/M, a little ficlet that comes before the main dragon age one, and he is, and how anders tries to help, hawke feels like he's losing anders, how hawke deals with his mom's death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2015-06-23
Packaged: 2018-04-05 19:50:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4192746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxwriter389xx/pseuds/xxwriter389xx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After his mother's death, Hawke feels like he's losing everyone. And now he feels like he's losing Anders too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Basically it's sad and I'm sorry but I'm also not.

There was something about this entire situation that was setting Hawke on edge. He could see Anders’ worried glances directed at him every so often and the looks the blond and Varric would exchange on his behalf. If Hawke wasn’t so focused on finding his mother it would have bothered him. He didn’t need anyone to worry about him. He was very capable of taking care of himself. 

But when he saw her…pieced together like some sort of rag doll…he wanted to retch and scream and cry all at the same time.   
‘My little boy has become so strong…’

But he hadn’t. If he was strong he would have been able to save her. He failed her. Just like he failed Bethany and Carver… This family had fallen apart and he did nothing to stop it. 

“I should have tried harder!” Hawke picked up the chair he had been sitting in and hurled it across the room, hearing it splinter against the wall opposite him.   
“Garrett…” Anders’ voice came from the doorway. “There was nothing you could have done…” 

“Bullshit!” He turned sharply to face him. “Just like Mother and Carver said- I could have saved Bethany! ‘How could you let her charge off like that??’ she said; Carver he…he said since I was ‘head of the family’ it was my job to keep her alive! And I failed! And now Mother…If only I had gotten there faster…warned her about the lilies…something….” He fell to his knees, squeezing his eyes shut and tearing at his hair.

He had never felt so infuriated in my entire life. He had never felt so much hatred for anyone, especially himself. And he had never felt the sting of tears that forced themselves so roughly past his lids. It broke from his chest like a dam. 

He didn’t want Anders to see him this way. Broken and small. Like a child. He didn’t need taking care of. 

He felt his arms wrap around him and Anders didn’t say a word; just simply stroked his lover’s back until his sobs died down.

“Please Garrett… Don’t blame yourself for this…it isn’t what she would want. She would want you to know you did everything you could--for everyone, not just her. And your brother may be an ass but he most certainly isn’t going to blame this on you. With any luck the Templars have shown him how to grow up.” His lip quirked up in an attempt to help the other man relax.

“Please, love…” He stroked Hawke’s bearded cheek with a rough and calloused thumb. “Believe me.” His eyes were warm and gentle golden brown; the light from the fire giving them a molten look. While Garrett guessed that his looked like two bright blue ice burgs in a sea of red--thanks to overactive tear ducts. 

“It’s a shame…” he began and glanced over to the wall. “That you broke the chair. You always looked so sexy sitting in it-- staring into the fire deep in thought,” he said, giving him a little smirk.

“I can get another chair.” Hawke smiled a little.

“Oh thank the Maker! I wasn’t going to be able to sleep tonight!”

He chuckled and Anders smiled, knowing his plan had worked. 

He took Hawke’s hand and simply held it. “If you’re angry, take it out on me, not yourself.”

He kissed him. “Thank you Anders.”

He smiled gently. “Sometimes even Hawke needs a hero.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders and Justice's feeling conflict and Anders starts to doubt.

There were many nights where Garrett would waken in the middle of the night to find Anders hunched over the desk, scribbling away at the only thing that seemed to matter anymore. 

Tonight appeared to be no different.

Anders heard him shifting and grunting a little as he stretched his arm out to search for a warm body on the empty side of the bed.

“Anders…”

He was about to answer but stopped when he heard Hawke speak again. 

“I don’t want to lose you to a cause…When there’s a mage in need right here…”

That struck him like a blade through the heart and he dropped his quill. His brow creased as he listened to Garrett’s slow breathing. 

He must have still been asleep. Or half asleep anyhow. He wouldn’t have said such a thing out loud otherwise. Hawke was always supporting the cause, always supporting him. He never questioned his reasons or means. Anders had never even considered…his side.

His side does not matter. We are fighting for mages as a whole. Not him. He is simply a distraction.

‘Justice, he matters to me.’

I am you. And he means nothing to me.

‘You are not me. You’re….’

An abomination?

Anders remained silent. 

Nothing to say? That’s rare indeed.

‘Did you ever consider that you’re distracting me from him?’

Justice laughed out loud. Which meant Anders laughed out loud. 

As if you truly believe that. The only thing that’s important anymore is the Cause. That man is nothing but a free mage. He does not require our help.

He put my head in his hands, massaging his temples.

“You’re wrong… Even he needs help sometimes… He needs me.” Anders said into his hands.

“Anders…?” 

He looked up to see Garrett sitting up shirtless in bed, rubbing his eyes.

“Are you talking to yourself again?” he chuckled sleepily.

Anders stared at him for a moment then suddenly rushed over to the bed and gathered him up in my arms. 

He could sense his shock but he simply tightened his grip. 

“A-Anders…? What’s wrong?”

He pulled back and smiled to set him at ease. “Nothing, my love.”

“Did you get lonely?” He took on a joking tone. “Justice can’t be much company I presume.” A smirk played on his lips.

“Very funny.”

“Well I could be wrong because you talk to him enough. And laugh even! What is he cracking jokes in there?” 

Anders laughed. It seemed Hawke could sense whenever his lover had something on my mind. He was always trying to cheer him up. Hawke often kept joking to a minimum while off on his various missions to help the masses. He refused to make light of people’s situations. He knew all too well that everyone had a back story. 

But it seemed that with Anders he could relax and make fun. Whenever the whole “gang” as Hawke called it would get together at the Hanged Man Garrett would drink more than anyone thought possible and still be able to handle snappy comebacks with Isabela. 

Oh how Anders missed those days… It seemed that as more and more time went on the busier he became. He rarely ventured out of the Clinic these days and when he did it was to come here where he strayed no further than the desk or maybe the bed.

But Hawke never complained. 

He had always thought that…he was the one depending on Hawke. He had never even considered it being the other way around. 

You shouldn’t need to depend on anyone. You have all you need inside you. Who needs a trivial emotion such as happiness? That is not the mission. The mission is to free the mages as you yourself are free.

That reminded him of something…

Hawke always ran his various “errands”, as Bodahn called them, with a small group because knowing him he always seemed to be running into some sort of trouble. And of course, occasionally Fenris and Anders crossed paths and were forced to “work together”; and traipsing all over the Free Marches left a lot of silence to fill. Most of it was either filled by Varric’s story-telling or Isabela’s sexual commentary, but every so often Fenris would speak and it made Justice squirm, just itching to escape and rip his throat out. And if he didn’t have Hawke to think about he’d let it happen. 

On this particular day he chose to comment on Anders’ and Garrett’s relationship.

>   
>  “So tell me, mage…” he began-and what a wonderful way to start out a sentence he might add. “You and Hawke…do you ever think maybe he’d be better off with someone else?”
> 
> Anders narrowed his eyes and looked to him, thinking it to be yet another one of his jabs at the mage who stood for everything he despised. But something in the elf’s face told him otherwise.
> 
> “I don’t see how that’s any of your business,” he replied curtly.
> 
> “Well it seems to me that he is supporting you, and not the other way around. And from what I’ve been able to gather, it’s supposed to go both ways, correct?”
> 
> “And who made you such an expert in relationships? Besides I support him plenty!”
> 
> “Yes you support him while he rides you like a wild horse.” Isabela smirked.
> 
> Fenris ignored her comment and kept his eyes on me. “Perhaps you are not fit for someone such as Hawke. You go on and on about being free but when I look at you I see nothing but a slave to an idea.”
> 
> “And you’re one to talk.” He spat, coming to a halt.
> 
> “As long as this…this Cause of yours is the only thing you work for then you shall never be free.” There was so much passion in his voice that Anders couldn’t think of a response.  
> 

“Anders? Hello? Are you in there?”

He re-focused his eyes on Hawke’s. “Sorry, love, I was thinking about the past is all.”

“What about it?” He laid back, one hand behind his head, the other stroking Anders’ thigh.

“Nothing important.” He smiled down at him. 

He wondered if Hawke could tell when he was lying. He probably could…but he could hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This little ficlet is kind of like a Prelude to my multi-chapter fic A Lost Cause. So please go check that out! Thank you!


End file.
